


Hold On For Me

by Phantisocial



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012phan, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hate, M/M, Panic Attacks, Phan - Freeform, phil has a panic attack basically, video that shall not be named
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 18:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4490457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantisocial/pseuds/Phantisocial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love your passion, your creativity, your happiness, your hair in the morning and your butt crease in the sofa. I love your enthusiasm and hope, Fuck Phil Lester, I love everything about you. So what if some phans don't like it? They don't matter to us as a couple, only we do. I love you Phil and I won't let Phans drive us apart."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On For Me

Dan had barely sat down in the cinema and glanced down at Phil's text before wondering whether he should be worried about his boyfriend or amused.

"Dan please help, I can't breathe."

No kisses and minimal grammar (Phil was usually a punctuation nerd). He promptly decided that knowing Phil he would have rung him had something been wrong and smiled at the antics of his boyfriend before texting back a quick reply of:

"Did One Direction retweet you again? Well done, Philly xx" 

He put his phone back into the pocket of his black skinny jeans with a squeeze (did the iPhone 6 really have to be so freaking big?) He barely paused to turn around to Chris an Pj before another text came through to his phone. Guessing it was a rather hyped up Phil texting him about the retweet he ignored the jingle of his text alert until he could answer him later. 

The automated message of "please switch off any mobile devices," had barely flittered across the screen before Dan's phone vibrated with a vengeance. Sighing, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to congratulate Phil once more. Not being able to find it in himself to be exasparated with his boyfriend; he opened the message thread to see a constant steam of messages coming from Phil,

"Dan"

"Dan."

"Please answer your phone"

"Dan I'm not fucking around!"

"Daniel!"

"Please Dan,"

"It's getting worse, Dan."

"Dan I can't breathe!"

25 messages. 6 missed calls. Frowning, he left the cinema, stepping across people and legs with a rhythm that could almost be classed as exercise. As soon as he had left the showing room he hastily pressed 4 on his iPhone to quick call Phil.  
"Lion, lion are you okay? What's wrong?" Concern was obvious in his voice, worry leaking into his tone.

A strangled kind of sob was his only reply. 

"Lion, I really need you to answer me. Do you need me to come home?" Dan didn't care what the reply was, he was already walking towards their apartment. Jogging as fast as he can without dropping his phone, he headed home. 

"Okay, Lion I'm on my way home now. Stay on the phone, alright?" He panted, his lungs not used to this much exposure to exercise. 

"Fuck, Phil. I really need to get in shape," he murmured. 

The sound of retching reached his ears and his heart went out to Phil who was on his on struggling with this without Dan. The sound of nothing but choked breaths and pitiful sobs drove Dan to run faster, the adrenaline of needing to comfort his boyfriend pushing him to sprint harder and further.

By the time Dan had run a good ten minutes and up six flights of stairs he was all but ready to collapse but the sight of his boyfriend curled into a fetal position by his bed, slow stream of blood leaking out of his lip which had clearly been bitten with a vengeance was enough to rejuvenate him. 

"Philly what's wrong?" He gasped, crouching down on the floor, pulling his trembling boyfriend onto his lap.

Eyes rimmed with red, chest heaving with the immense strain of the panicked breaths that were ripping out of Phil's throat and body trembling with anxiety the older boy choked back a sob as he tried to form a coherent sentence for Dan.

"D-d-Dan," Phil could barely get a word out before sobs racked his body once more. Dan thought it unfair to put Phil through anything more when he was clearly so distraught and panicked and settled for cuddling his boyfriend tightly, rubbing calming circles on his back whilst whispering "I'm here, Philly. Right here, see. I'm going to help you, I'm not going to leave." 

After what seemed ages to Dan but in reality was probably only ten minutes Phil's breathing returned to a calmer pace and the message that Dan was there seemed to have sunk in as he curled his hand tightly into Dan's and pressed chaste kisses to the tips of Dan's fingers.

"Phil, what are you doing?" Dan startled.

"You stayed with me," he whispered. "You, you didn't leave me, you stayed Dan, you stayed." Phil's tone was still high with underlying panic that Dan knew would emerge again if he didn't tread carefully. 

"Phiil, of course I stayed. I couldn't leave you when you were like that. Fuck, Phil; you scared me so much. I thought you were dying, the sick, the blood. Phil the fucking blood, is your lip okay? Did you fall? Has it stopped? Do you need stitches?" The questions fell from Dan's lips before he even really knew what he was saying, all he knew was that he wanted to make sure Phil was okay now.

He looked up when Phil didn't answer to see Phil glancing nervously all around the room, with wide eyes. "Idiot," Dan thought to himself, "you never fucking question someone when their calming down after a panic attack, you can't fucking overwhelm them!" He was going to let the thoughts of self loathing and of Phil deserved someone so much better than him, someone who could remember what not to do when he panicked; but the sight of frown on Phil's face and the more irregular breaths Phil had started taking stopped him. 

He scooted closer to Phil who had returned back to the position of knees to his chest and lay a hand on his boyfriends sweaty fringe.   
"Philly, hey, Philly. Come on, you don't have to answer those, we're gonna get you on the bed okay?" Dan remembered reading that you don't ask questions, you state what you're going to do but give them time to stop, give them control of the situation without freaking them out. 

Phil gave a slight nod, barely acknowledging Dan but that was all he needed to scoop Phil up with him and lower them both into the bed gently. He turned Phil over to face him, seeing tears slowly drifting down the ashen face. 

"Do you want to talk about what this was over?" Dan enquired, not sure if Phil was too far gone into the budding panic to rescue him from it.

Phil's eyes just seemed to see past Dan and he began to think that Phil was panicking so much he closed off from everyone, including Dan. His heart ached for the emotional pain that Phil must be feeling but was determined not to let his boyfriend close off and suffer any further. 

He brought his arms around Phil's neck, kissed away the tears on his face (it seemed like a good idea and he was going to try anything he had too) and breathed along with Phil, showing him how to match his breathing with Dan's own. Phil's eyes soon started to flutter shut as the panic lessened and the comfort Dan emitted heightened, panicking took a lot out of him. Dan placed a kiss on the tip of his boyfriends nose when he was sure he was asleep and begrudgingly crawled out of bed. He placed bear besides Phil before he headed off into their kitchen, determined to do everything that night and place no more stress on Phil.

Dan pottered around the kitchen, cleaning anything that looked dirty with a duster, he didn't want Phil to get up just yet. He needed to relax and they needed to talk so Dan could help Phil through what had panicked him so much. He stared around their kitchen feeling incomplete, as if he hadn't done enough for Phil; memories of Phil retching and the blood that had been running out Phil's lip sprung to mind and he knew the perfert remedy. Ten minutes later, an ice pack for Phil's lip and armed with two steaming cups of hot chocolate he crept quietly into their bedroom and placed Phil's hot chocolate and ice pack on the small beside next to his boyfriend. 

"Philly, I brought you something," Dan whispered. Phil cuddled into Dan's side despite smelling the sweet aroma of marshmallows and cream. "Okay, Lion, I'm getting under that blanket with you and we're going to go right under the covers, alright? We'll be safe from whatever caused you to panic there and you can tell me what happened."

Phil stared at him with frightened eyes, panic looming in his cerulean depths. "The valentines day video Dan, people found it. Dan, I promise I deleted it! I have it on my phone, I've copyrighted it a thousand times but still people find it and think it's okay to upload it. They found it and, and-d," Dan saw the tears welling up in Phil's eyes but knew he had to push forward and find out what happened before it started to eat Phil up (metaphorically.) Swiping his hand into Phil's palm he rubbed his fingers in the very centre of Phil's palm where he knew Phil liked being tickled. "What did they say, lion?"  
Phil pointed at his phone and Dan grabbed it quickly, typing in "lionandbear," before Phil could change his mind. On the screen were comments such like "faggot," "what does Dan even see in him?" "He's so ugly." "Ugh Dan must pity date him." 

A guttal anger rose in Dan, how the fuck did those people have the audacity to say he didn't love Phil? Phil was his everything! He logged Phil out of Twitter and all other social media's before turning back to his boyfriend and slowly wiping away Phil's tears. Passing the hot drink to Phil he whispered "I love your passion, your creativity, your happiness, your hair in the morning and your butt crease in the sofa. I love your enthusiasm and hope, Fuck Phil Lester, I love everything about you. So what if some phans don't like it? They don't matter to us as a couple, only we do. I love you Phil and I won't let phans drive us apart."

Phil pressed another chaste kiss to Dan's lips, mummering "I love you too," softly. Dan wrapped his arms protectively around Phil, shielding him from everything and everyone. Right there they were content in each other's arms, blissfully basking in the love they had for one another.


End file.
